If you have trained for any lengthy period and reached a higher kyu grade or even Dan grade, it’s is likely that at some point along the way you will want to stop training or leave your current club.
In an ideal world, every Dojo, Sensei and student would be a perfect match and the thought of leaving would never occur, but sadly for everyone concerned, this isn’t always the case.
Reasons will vary, and sometimes you don’t have a choice about leaving. Maybe you’re moving to another part of the country, or even another part of the world altogether and your dojo is too far. Maybe it’s a medical reason; a serious illness or injury meaning that you to have to cease training.
With the former, an alternative can be found, and your Sensei can sometimes offer recommendations for where you can continue your journey, the latter however will often be sad for you both.
Sometimes your decision to leave is because you can’t make classes anymore due to a change in circumstances at work, home or family commitments. Or perhaps you have a change in motivation; maybe you’ve hit a wall that you feel you just can’t get over, or you’ve achieved what you wanted and have no interest in pursuing further, or your interests have changed and your current dojo doesn’t provide what you need but somewhere else does. These are just a few reasons from a very long list.
Whatever the cause and reasons may be, over a period of time you will have likely built up some level of depth in the relationship with your Sensei, so making the decision to leave will in most cases be difficult. You must weigh up the pros and cons, ask yourself if this is an obstacle that you need to overcome, perhaps one you need help with, or if it’s really time for you to move on? If you reach a point where you are absolutely certain that you want to leave, here are some thoughts to ponder on how you could do so.
1. Tell your Sensei
It sounds obvious right? But you’d be surprised at how many students simply disappear without saying a word. So either call them, or better yet, arrange to meet with them in person, preferably at the dojo and tell them that you are leaving. Don’t send a text or email, it’s so impersonal. In today’s era of dependence on technology it’s so easy to go that route. If you care, then your Sensei deserves more than that. And make sure to do it yourself, don’t have someone else do it for you. If you feel nervous about telling them, have a friend of family member with you for support. Your Sensei will often have even more respect for you if you do this as they know how difficult it can be.
2. Be honest
Whatever the reason is for leaving, be open and honest with them. They may not like the reasons, particularly if it’s something negative, but this can actually help them improve the dojo for other students in the future, even if it’s too late for you. Let them know if there is anything that could have been done on their part that could have helped, and if you could have done something too. If you’re lucky enough to have a really good Sensei, they’ll be supportive in your decision and thank you for your honesty.
3. Your Sensei will understand
If it’s something that can’t be helped, like you’re moving home, going to university or changing to a job that means you can no longer attend. In these cases they’ll often wish you well and tell you that the dojo doors will be open for you to visit in the future.
4. Your Sensei may feel hurt, sad or upset
You’ve trained under them for years and they’ve invested a lot of their time and efforts into teaching you. In addition, if you started as a child, your Sensei will have watched and been a part of you growing up to adulthood. If you started as an adult, you may have both developed a friendship bond beyond the walls of the dojo, so many instructors will naturally feel the pain of a student leaving and this may come out in various ways. After all, despite what some students believe, your Sensei is a human being with feelings, not a robot without emotions.
5. Be respectful after you leave
Most of the time when someone makes the decision to leave there is no reason to be negative. If you’ve learned some skills from your Sensei during your time in the dojo and gained some benefits along the way, then those positive connections and feelings will remain for a long time.
If for some reason you’ve had a bad experience, going out and spreading negativity to others will often sour the relationships you’ve built with your fellow dojo members who have remained. And who knows, maybe one day in the future you’ll want to return. A respectful departure will ensure that the opportunity remains open.
Everyone has their reasons for starting and for ending their journey with their dojo and instructor, and remember that it’s okay to leave, never let anyone else tell you otherwise. Take the experience and let your departure be a reflection of what you have learned.
Seito Bugei Juku 